Method
young adults, ages 23–28: 14 men and 6 women across 7 metro areas.
New York (8), Los Angeles area (4), San Francisco (3), Syracuse (2), San Diego, Chicago and Atlanta (1 each). Responses were collected in writing through a Google Form between July 8 and August 13, 2026. Participants were recruited through Max’s personal network, so the sample is not random. Two further responses are excluded: Max’s own, and one that arrived after the analysis.
open-ended questions, the same for every participant.
Q1. Think of a friend you made as an adult that you’re still close with. Where did you meet, and what turned it into a real friendship?
Q2. Zero responsibilities, free Saturday: walk me through your ideal day.
Q3. Think about the last time you were deciding between going out or staying in. What ended up tipping the decision? And what would’ve changed your mind?
Q4. What’s the most annoying or difficult part of meeting new people, making plans, or finding social things to do these days?
Q5. It’s Friday night, you want to be out with people — but bars don’t exist. What do you do, or what do you wish existed?
Q6. How do you currently use technology to find plans, events, activities, or people to do things with in real life?
Q7. If you could design a better social world for people our age, what would exist that doesn’t really exist today?
Quotes are verbatim.
How adult friendships formed
Nobody met their close adult friend at a bar.
They met through sports leagues, gyms and pickup games, at work, through mutual friends, at school, and at a networking event.
Friendships formed in settings built on repeated contact: a league, a gym, a workplace, a school.
“Countless hours on the court that led to an off the court friendship”— 28, Syracuse
“Work, we spend a lot of time together every work week so we were constantly chatting”— 26, New York
Time and repeated contact are what turned acquaintances into friends. Meeting people isn’t hard; making them friends is.
“I don’t necessarily think meeting new people is so hard, but actually making them friends is hard. There is no forced togetherness that happens like with siblings or college”— 27, Syracuse
“Even people I played Mens league hoops with I don’t stay in touch with because it’s just once a week and then see ya.”— 27, Syracuse
New people and existing groups
Open to new people, wary of strangers. The path to someone new runs through someone they already know.
“These days, I feel like I only meet new people through mutual friends, and even that can be hard.”— 24, Los Angeles
“Sign up for golf matches, bowling matches, game nights, etc. but with friends not strangers.”— 28, Syracuse
Friend groups don’t merge. Social time goes to the same existing group, and separate groups rarely mix.
“when going out I’m typically with a group of friends and other people are with friends and it’s rare that separate friend groups commingle.”— 25, New York
“Most people already have friend groups that have been established for years and years.”— 26, San Francisco
The ideal day
The ideal day centered on something active and a meal with other people.
Activities named include golf, basketball, spikeball, surfing, running, pickleball, climbing, hiking, beach days, grilling, potlucks, cards and board games. Drinking came up, but always alongside something else, such as a meal or a game on TV.
“run outside (5-8mi), come home, eat, go to the beach, play spikeball or some sort of game with my friends, grill out, have a fire, compete some more, board games, watch college football and go to sleep. Best day ever”— 28, Manhattan Beach
Going out vs. staying in
The default is staying in. Fatigue, cost and the next day keep people home; a known crew, something new and proximity get them out.
“I was tired. If the activity had been a break from the norm I would have been more inclined to have gone out.”— 26, New York
“we felt like we would have better quality time spent at a home, without having to speak loudly over music or contending with travel time and a busy environment.”— 25, Los Angeles
“The key factors are always saving money and not wanting to be hungover the next day.”— 26, San Francisco
Technology
Texting and group chats are the main tool for making plans. Some barely use technology for this at all.
“Don’t use technolgy at all. Besides text message”— 26, New York
Discovery is not the bottleneck. Finding things to do is easy; finding people to do them with is not.
“I think it’s easy to find things to do not as easy to find people to do them with.”— 28, Syracuse
“So it feels like there are a million things happening, then I get overwhelmed, and then I don't know anyone going so at the same time it feels like there is nothing!!”— 24, Los Angeles
“A lot of the platforms like Facebook are too saturated with plans that I have no interest in”— 26, New York
Partiful was the one app multiple people volunteered as useful.
Other tools mentioned include Instagram, TikTok, Google, Spotify, Luma, Volo, Bandsintown, Bumble BFF and dating apps.
“Initially, the app was used for birthday parties and one off events, but it seems like now people are using it for more casual social events as well.”— 26, San Francisco
The four core problems
1. Finding the right people who want to do the same things.
“I want to go do whatever activity at whatever time and I want someone to join me.”— 23, Chicago
“in an ideal world, you could weed out the people that you have nothing in common with or just don’t really connect with.”— 26, New York
2. Not trusting that events or apps have the right people.
“events are either "too exclusive" and require paying or free events too many weirdos show up and its awkward.”— 27, New York
“Sometimes it may be tough to gauge who will be at these events and if they will actually be fun”— 25, Los Angeles
3. Starting conversations with people and groups you don’t know.
“Starting the conversation and not having it be awkward / unnatural”— 26, New York
“now everyone is afraid to just spark up a random convo with a stranger”— 23, Chicago
4. Cost and coordination. Going out is expensive and hard to organize.
“most plans these days, especially plans involving social things, cost a shit ton of money.”— 26, San Francisco
“I think the most annoying part is first of all coordinating schedules since everyone’s so busy all the time.”— 23, Chicago
What they wish existed
Spaces with fewer phones, or none.
“I feel like a place where u have to leave ur phone at the door or something tbh.”— 23, Southern California
“More places that limit/discourage phone use.”— 25, New York